Nightmares are a pain in the ass
by whatamidoing765
Summary: What is a DW character's worst nightmare?


**Wei**

**Cao Cao: Being reincarnated as a cow, and slaughtered to be eaten by Jin officials.**

**Cao Pi: His brother becomes emperor instead of him and it turns out he is 70 percent cow urine.**

**Xiahou Dun: Losing both his eyes. When he eats dumplings, he doesn't know he is eating his own eyeballs that were in them.**

**Xiahou Yuan: Back at Mt. Ding Jun, he is continuously shot by Huang Zhong.**

**Cao Ren: Hello Kitty everywhere.**

**Zhang He: Everything is a mess and ugly. Reliving the pain he suffered back at Jieting. (Sima Yi sent Zhang He to chase down Zhuge Liang back at Jieting, but a Shu ambush killed him. He took an arrow to the knee.) **

**Zhang Liao: Never reaching the path of the true warrior.**

**Yue Jin: Being born shorter and slower than he already is. **

**Li Dian: Fish sticks.**

**Zhen Ji: Losing a beauty contest to Yue Ying out of all people. **

**Cai Wenji: Being unable to save the age-old poems and rewrite them.**

**Wang Yi: Not being able to or someone else killing Ma Chao. **

**Pang De: That helmet coming alive and consuming his face.**

**Guo Jia: Getting AIDS or alcohol poisoning. Which ever comes first.**

**Jia Xiu: He can't find wine anywhere. "Why is the wine gone?" **

**Dian Wei: Arrows. Those arrows...**

**Xu Chu: The ground becomes bare and nothing can grow from it. His crops dying.**

**Xu Huang: Never reaching true might.**

**Wu**

**Zhou Yu: Born a woman and being arranged to marry Zhuge Liang to ensure the Shu-Wu alliance.**

**Lu Xun: Man never discovering fire.**

**Taishi Ci: Being unable to improve his fight technique.**

**Sun Shang Xiang: DW6 her. **

**Sun Jian: That damn arrow...**

**Sun Quan: Lian Shi dying, Sun Ce dying, Sun Jian dying, his whole family dying basically.**

**Lian Shi: Those breasts keep on expanding and expanding, to the point they burst.**

**Xiao Qiao: Pandas getting killed by beasts. **

**Da Qiao: EVERY F***ING THING COULD BE A NIGHTMARE FOR HER! **

**Sun Ce: Gan Ji coming back and getting his goatee shaven.**

**Zhou Tai: Him inside a room with lots of talking people and he can't leave.**

**Ding Feng: Not knowing the beauty in things even though he wants to.**

**Lu Su: Zhou Yu shunning him.**

**Han Dang: His very existence is completely erased from the history books.**

**Huang Gai: His thigh muscles and arm muscles deflate and just turn flabby.**

**Gan Ning: Him falling down into Davy Jones' locker.**

**Ling Tong: The beauty mark near his eye coming off. **

**Lu Meng: Going back to a ruffian with no brain. **

**Shu**

**Liu Bei: Losing his brothers. **

**Zhao Yun: Bruce Lee.**

**Guan Yu: That beard coming off.**

**Zhang Fei: Having to go a year without wine.**

**Zhuge Liang: Sima Yi and him happening to be the same person.**

**Yue Ying: Zhen Ji raping her.**

**Zhang Bao: Those abs becoming a beer belly.**

**Xing Cai: Her skirt getting even shorter in future installments.**

**Guan Xing: Flies too close to the sun and is scorched.**

**Guan Suo: When the flower dies, he dies.**

**Guan Ping: Never being as good as Guan Yu.**

**Guan Yinping: Everything she touches shatters like glass.**

**Bao Sanniang: Death by a cat.**

**Xu Shu: He makes everything seem like a nightmare. Might as well put him in Catherine to play out his nightmares since he's not saying anything. **

**Ma Chao: Justice is a lie or someone eating horse meat in front of him. **

**Jiang Wei: Zhuge Liang shunning him.**

**Huang Zhong: He gets killed by Xiahou Yuan instead of him killing Xiahou Yuan.**

**Wei Yan: Him going back to cavemen times.**

**Pang Tong: No wine bottle is within reach of him. **

**Liu Shan: Reliving the blows to his head and body during Changban.**

**Ma Dai: His paintings coming to life and attacking him.**

**Jin**

**Sima Yi: Being stripped of all intelligence and living in the outskirts of Alabama with a Cockney accent. **

**Sima Shi: Drowning in a sea of meatbuns.**

**Sima Zhao: Having insomnia. **

**Zhang Chunhua: Getting the tables turned on her with Sima Yi being actually dominant over her. **

**Wang Yuanji: Being an actual dumb blonde. **

**Jia Chong: His jacket getting torn-up and getting a tan.**

**Xiahou Ba: He keeps on shrinking to the point he gets stepped on by someone.**

**Guo Huai: He can never die and suffers with his illness.**

**Zhong Hui: Cutting the rattail off.**

**Zhuge Dan: Reincarnated as a dog and is Sima Zhao's pet.**

**Wen Yang: Jackie Chan.**

**Deng Ai: Displeasing Sima Yi, Sima Shi, or Sima Zhao.**

**Other**

**Lu Bu: Bitch please, he doesn't get nightmares. He GIVES them. **

**Diao Chan: Sleeping with Dong Zhou. **

**Dong Zhou: Getting killed over and over again by Lu Bu.**

**Zhang Jiao: Christianity spreading instead of his Way of Peace.**

**Yuan Shao: Born a commoner. **

**Zuo Ci: He can create nightmares, not get them.**

**Meng Huo: A poacher killing all of his elephants for no reason.**

**Zhu Rong: Meng Huo crushing her while they're sleeping together.**


End file.
